How and Why I Destroyed my Own Film

First off, before you all ask, yes I am going to be 'that guy' this semester. Just letting you all know in advanced.

So it's time to announce the end of my film. Not because it is finished, but because it is dead. Kaput. There is no salvaging what I have left. The only thing left to do is to sift through the remains. Some of you may be proud to hear that after sitting through the rough cut earlier today, I don't know. Luckily for you guys I will be making a public spectacle out of it, so that my pain may be your gain. However, judging by the quality of some of the films already screened I don't believe some of you have anything left to learn from me.

So what went wrong with BlooDemise? It may be better to ask what went right with it. Sarah Doerr gave a great performance and came prepared with the part analyzed in depth. She was a tremendous asset, an actress already in tune with the project's theme, and a Director's dream. I highly suggest she be at the top of your casting list for your next project. And... that's it. That's really all that went right here. Oh, the projector worked. So that's something.

So who's to blame? First and foremost I find myself in error. This project was entirely on my shoulders after I decided to pick up the vacated Producer role, so everything must come back around to me. We were ill-prepared to shoot. It wasn't that pre-production went awry, though there certainly could have been more planning, but more that the project's execution was changed a mere week before shooting. This, again, is my fault: One for not sticking with the production I had prepared, and two for not managing to gather my crew together for a meeting before that time. This I will get into later, however. There was also a lack of communication between myself and my DP, to which the cause will also be addressed later. Actually, no, I'll go ahead and address it now:

The main problem with this production, and inevitably its (bloo)demise, is that my cast and crew were far too busy with other priorities. My film never became a priority for anybody other than myself, even on the days of filming. And they can hardly be blamed for that. Every one of my main components, excluding Sarah, were preoccupied with their own productions. There in lies the issue, and it is one that unfortunately does not just affect me. It seems to affect at least one production every D3 Semester. There are just far too many productions happening at once during this time, and the school's limited resources can not support them all. My interior shots did not work. Why? Because I did not have the use of the school's equipment on those days. Why? Because I had to turn my equipment in two days early in order for the other four productions beginning that Wednesday to have the available necessities. I thought I could make things work without. I was wrong. Next time I will have to be more cut-throat, but that will simply mean the same will happen to the people behind me.

This film is my responsibility, and I will have to suffer with it for the rest of my career. It may well mark the end of my career, at least as a director. If that is so than so be it. But why did it occur? We must look to the institution this film was made under: UCF. Somewhere along the lines my education has failed, or I have failed it. I feel I know a good deal more than I did when I came to this university, and I am pleased with the time and money I have spent here. But the bottom line is that this semester I was doing something that I was not prepared to be doing. I may well never be prepared to direct a film, but if that is the case than the curriculum should reflect that. And I am not the only one. Looking over the projects of my classmates and seeing what has come out of their respective talents, I believe the same can be said for more of us. Despite what we have learned and suffered through our respective talents remain near the levels they were at when we were accepted into the program. Styles remain the same, as do errors. The students whose films are well received are the ones that were making impressive films beforehand. I am not saying we have not learned anything, I am simply saying we have not learned everything. A school can not work miracles. All of us have improved in select areas, and I believe the true purpose of this school is to show us where we excel and put us in that area. Some of us realized this before I did, and they are the Editors, Directors of Photography, and Producers of the class. The others... well there are many good directors, but I believe it is fair to say there are those of us who had no business directing a film this year, myself included. I believe we all secretly know who these people are. They are not failures and by no means untalented, they are just working hard in the wrong place.

So what can be done to fix this? Well the class is close to doing it already: Catering students to niche jobs. But it is not there just yet. We must be pushed, sometimes, into doing what is best for ourselves despite what we may think we want. It is of my opinion that the class should be divided into ordered slots pre-planned by the amount of students entering at the beginning of the semester. There will be a limited number of Director positions, forcing some students to take other roles. The Directors, conversely, will also have to work on a project that is not entirely theirs. There will be enough writers available now, obviously, and the Directors will have to work with them. Nobody will edit their own film either, as we will have enough roles for that as well. Obviously since there are two editing, writing, and DP jobs a student has to fulfill one person will be allowed to mix and match: You can write one film and edit another. It may seem unfair, but I believe in the end the class will be thankful for this structure. Not only does it force the students to work in a position they might not have been solely devoted to previously, but it also creates a collaborative effort that many of us never experience before we exit the school; an experience that is nevertheless one of the most important skills in filmmaking.

I myself would have been a writer in this system, and ideally would have been one going in to this class had more than one person desired the use of whatever talents I may have. We all seemed intent on directing our own grand ideas, though. Instead we should have come together to actually make a few of those grand ideas come to fruition.

There are just far too many productions under way in the Winter Semester. Between D1, which is currently experiencing an influx, and the large amount of massive D3 productions there is not enough talent and equipment to go around. This may work in Spring because D2 is a bit more of a collaborative class and the productions are, by nature of the curriculum, smaller, not to mention there are often less Capstones going out than there are D1s coming in. A summer course may offer another solution, but I don't think anybody really wants to go through that at the moment. I can sum up nearly every one of my problems to the fact that a person working with me had to duck out for their own production worries. Where were the Cinema Studies students during all of this? I have no idea. Certainly not at Colloquium and looking for positions for which I would have gladly offered.

I hope this helps somebody, or at least makes sense to somebody else. And, again, I apologize to all involved with my film that your names will have to be associated with it forevermore. At least the boring monologue at the beginning will put the audience to sleep before they manage to read your name in the credits.

~William